It Might Not Be Confidence
- Anna Perry
- Feb 16
- 2 min read
We’re very quick to say:
“I need more confidence.”“I’ve lost my confidence.”“I’m not as confident as I used to be.”
But what if that’s not it?
Recently a client told me she used to stand up and speak in front of hundreds of people — and now she doesn’t feel she could.
She thought she’d lost confidence.
When we slowed it down, we realised it wasn’t confidence at all.
It was:
Environment
Risk
Desire
And something else.
You May Have Already Achieved What You Needed To
Sometimes we outgrow things.
Roles. Rooms. Identities.
But because we once fought hard to get there, we tell ourselves we should still want them.
High achievers are brilliant at endurance. We push through. We maintain. We perform.
But staying too long somewhere you’ve already completed your growth creates heaviness.
That heaviness gets mislabelled as a confidence problem.
Or Maybe You Just Don’t Want It Anymore
This is the uncomfortable truth.
Not everything we can do is something we still want to do.
Desire shifts. Values evolve. Energy changes.
And instead of admitting that, we say, “I need to work on my confidence.”
Sometimes it’s not fear.
Sometimes it’s honesty.
Or It Could Be Vulnerability
This is the one most people don’t want to look at.
Being fully seen.
Without the polished version.Without the expertise shield.Without performing confidence.
Being seen as you actually are — evolving, questioning, changing.
That can feel far more exposing than standing on a stage.
In my book Being Imperfectly Perfect, I talk about how often we confuse performance with alignment.
Confidence is not about being willing to do everything you once did.
It’s about being honest about who you are now.
Before you tell yourself you need more confidence, ask:
Have I already done what I came here to do?
Am I staying because it’s safe?
Do I genuinely want this?
Am I afraid of failing — or of being fully seen?
Sometimes the bravest thing isn’t building confidence.
It’s telling the truth.
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